Think before you Speak!

Here are six reasons why you should think before you speak;

 
Have you ever spoken and wished that you could immediately take the  words back?

  
Here are the Testimonials of a few people who did....  
   

FIRST TESTIMONY: 

I walked into a hair salon with my husband and three kids in tow and asked loudly,

'How much do you charge for a shampoo and a blow job?' 

I turned around and walked back out and never went back. 

My husband didn't say a word... he knew better. 

SECOND TESTIMONY: 

 I was at the golf store comparing different kinds of golf balls. 

I was unhappy with the women's type I had been using. 

After browsing for several minutes, I was approached by one of the good-looking gentlemen who works at the store. 

He asked if he could help me. 

Without thinking, I looked at him and said , 'I think I like playing with men's balls.' 

THIRD TESTIMONY: 

My sister and I were at the mall and passed by a store that sold a variety of candy and nuts. As we were looking at the display case, the boy behind the counter asked if we needed any help. 

I replied, 'No, I'm just looking at your nuts.' 

My sister started to laugh hysterically. The boy grinned, and I turned beet-red and walked away. To this day, my sister has never forgot that incident. 

FOURTH TESTIMONY: 

While in line at the bank one afternoon, my toddler decided to release some pent-up energy and ran amok. I was finally able to grab hold of her after receiving looks of disgust and annoyance from other patrons.

 I told her that if she did not start behaving 'right now' she would be punished. To my horror, she looked me in the eye and said in a voice just as threatening,

'If you don't let me go right now, 

 I will tell Grandma that I saw you kissing Daddy's pee-pee last night!'

The silence was deafening after this enlightening exchange. Even the tellers stopped what they were doing. I mustered up the last of my dignity and walked out of the bank with my daughter in tow.

The last thing I heard as the door closed behind me, were screams of laughter. 

FIFTH TESTIMONY: 

Have you ever asked your child a question too many times? 

My three-year-old son had a lot of problems with potty training and I was on him constantly.

One day we stopped at Taco Bell for a quick lunch in between errands. It was very busy, with a full dining room. 

While enjoying my taco, I smelled something funny, so of course I checked my seven-month-old daughter, and she was clean.

 Then I realized that Danny had not asked to go potty in a while. I asked him if he needed to go, and he said 'No'. I kept thinking 'Oh Lord, that child has had an accident, and I don't have any clean clothes with me.'

 Then I said, 'Danny, are you SURE you didn't have an accident?' 

'No,' he replied. 

I just KNEW that he must have had an accident, because the smell was getting worse. 

So, I asked one more time, 'Danny, did you have an accident?'

 This time he jumped up, yanked down his pants, bent over, spread his cheeks and yelled 'SEE MOM, IT'S JUST FARTS!!' 

While 30 people nearly choked to death on their tacos laughing, he calmly pulled up his pants and sat down.

 An older couple made me feel better, thanking me for the best laugh they'd ever had!

 LAST BUT NOT LEAST TESTIMONY: 

This one had most of the state of Michigan laughing for 2 days and a very embarrassed female news anchor who will, in the future, likely think before she speaks.

What happens when you predict snow, but don't get any? 

We had a female news anchor who, the day after it was supposed to have snowed and didn't, turned to the weatherman and asked: 'So Bob, where's that 8 inches you promised me last night?' 

Not only did HE have to leave the set, but half the crew did too, they were laughing so hard! 

Now, didn't that feel good? 

Remember... we all say things we don't really mean, so think before you speak 

Logically Correct

An elderly lady was standing at the railing of the cruise ship holding her hat tight so that it would not blow away in the wind.

 A gentleman approached her and said, 'Pardon me, madam.

I do not intend to be forward but did you know that your dress is blowing up in this high wind? 

'Yes, I know,' said the lady. 'I need both my hands to hold onto this hat.' 

'But madam, you must know that you are not wearing any underwear and everything is exposed!' said the gentleman in earnest. 

The woman looked down, then back up at the man and replied, 'Sir, anything you see down there is 85 years old.

I just bought this hat yesterday!'

Cheers! :p

Some Great Pics!

Edge of a Hurricane!

How Fires were Started?

Cloud Formation..

Lights of the World!

Should You Run or Swim?

Bad Day at Work?

ONLY IN !!!

Only in America!!

Only in Thailand!!

Only in India!!

Should You Panic?

Ahhhhhh!!!!!!

Funny Story!!

A co-worker got a pen stuck inside a printer just before he had to go for a meeting.

He started to try and remove the pen, but was told by his boss "We don't have time for that now, just put a note on the printer telling people not to use it and then report it to the Help Desk."

So he grabbed a piece of paper and scrawled on it.

The boss left before he finished the note.

Later, one of the colleagues comes in laughing and says while she was just in the lobby, she saw a piece of paper on a printer and went to investigate.

Below is what she found. Sometimes things don't always come out the way you want them to

look down to see the note!
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Salary Scale for 100 Singapore Jobs.. So know what you are suppose to expect, but no guarantees hor....

Salary Scale for 100+ Singapore Jobs! (2009)

What is the latest salary scale for jobs in Singapore? Whether you’re figuring out how much you’re worth to your existing employer in Singapore, or you’re a foreigner/fresh graduate preparing to join the local workforce, this will most likely be one of the main questions on your mind.

The latest Report on Wages in Singapore released by the Ministry of Manpower (MOM) in June 2009, captured the average salary scale in Singapore for 238,550 full-time employees working in 3,099 companies. This maybe one of the best guides around for expected wages of jobs in Singapore for 2009.

Based on data found in the report, we have compiled the salary scale for 100+ common jobs in Singapore for you below:

Occupation	Median Monthly Gross Wage (S$)
Specialised Surgeon	$24,300
Managing Director	$15,000
General Manager	$12,500
Personal Banker	$11,713
Foreign Exchange Dealer and Broker	$11,412
Company Director	$10,550
Commodities Futures Broker	$10,200
Risk Management Manager	$8,900
Fund Manager	$8,762
Business Management Consultant	$8,583
Treasury Manager	$8,500
Legal Service Manager	$8,490
Sea Traffic Controller	$8,363
Finance Sales Associate Professional	$8,333
Financial Futures Dealer and Broker	$8,333
Computer Operations and Network Manager	$7,798
Legal Officer	$7,280
Operations Manager (Finance)	$7,163
Computer and Information Systems Manager	$7,125
Research and Development Manager	$7,000
Engineering Manager	$6,700
Budgeting and Financial Accounting Manager	$6,566
Corporate Planning Manager	$6,565
Business Development Manager	$6,500
Advocate and Solicitor	$6,400
Training Manager	$6,308
University Lecturer	$6,288
Technical Manager	$6,155
Marketing Manager	$6,114
Personnel/Human Resource Manager	$6,105
Chemical Engineer (Petroleum)	$6,083
Quality Assurance Manager	$6,061
Manufacturing Plant and Production Manager	$5,924
Procurement Manager	$5,800
Naval Architect	$5,764
Customer Service Manager	$5,714
Instrumentation Engineer	$5,704
Logistics Manager	$5,623
Creative Director (Advertising)	$5,599
Lawyer (Except Advocate and Solicitor)	$5,514
Advertising and Public Relations Manager	$5,500
Sales Manager	$5,450
Hotel Service Manager	$3,970
Stationary Plant Supervisor and General Foreman	$3,970
Helmsman	$3,500
Shop Sales Manager	$3,500
Carton and Paper Box Making Machine Operator	$3,383
Aircraft Engine Mechanic	$3,340
Computer and Related Electronic Equipment Mechanic	$3,282
Karaoke Pub Manager (Including Disco & Nightclubs)	$3,000
Mechanical Products Quality Checker and Tester	$2,978
Lodging Services Manager	$2,956
Machine Supervisor and General Foreman	$2,940
Supervisor and General Foreman (Precision, Handicraft, Printing and Related Trades)	$2,888
Supervisor and General Foreman (Metal, Machinery and Related Trades)	$2,830
Legal Clerk	$2,814
Restaurant and Other Catering Services Manager	$2,750
Secretary	$2,706
Clerical Supervisor	$2,676
Book Editor	$2,661
Advertising Account Executive	$2,655
Audit Clerk	$2,599
Tool and Die Maker	$2,599
Music Instructor	$2,548
Social Worker	$2,476
Beautician	$2,404
Counsellor, Family	$2,400
Insurance/Underwriting Clerk	$2,301
Sales Supervisor	$2,108
Housekeeper (Hotels and Other Establishments)	$2,098
House Steward	$1,952
Sports Official	$1,895
Hair Stylist/Hairdresser	$1,853
Aircraft Loader	$1,844
Dental Nurses	$1,799
Enrolled/Assistant Nurse	$1,783
Doorman	$1,696
Medical/Dental Receptionist	$1,650
Godown Labourer	$1,617
Telephone Operators	$1,609
Store Hand	$1,596
Garbage Collectors	$1,593
Hotel Receptionist	$1,543
Sales Demonstrator	$1,515
Youth Worker	$1,515
Bar/Lounge Hostess	$1,435
Pre-Primary Education Teachers	$1,409
Data Entry Operator	$1,400
Private Security Guard	$1,379
Garment Pattern Maker	$1,361
Building Painter	$1,341
Papermaking Machine Operator	$1,331
Cleaner Supervisor	$1,330
Wood Products Machine Operators	$1,329
Rubber Products Machine Operators	$1,322
Plastic Product Machine Operator	$1,320
Hospital Attendant	$1,311
Car Park Attendant	$1,300
Electro-plater	$1,271
Office Attendant	$1,246
Bus Driver	$1,230
Garment Cutter	$1,230
Floor and Wall Tile Setter	$1,225
Laundry and Dry Cleaning Worker	$1,219
Cashier	$1,217
Waiter	$1,200
Kitchen Assistant	$1,200
Motor Vehicle Cleaner/Polisher	$1,181
Bellboy/Hotel Porter	$1,176
Metal Heat Treating Plant Operator	$1,168
Food and Drink Stall Assistant	$1,135
Electrical Equipment/Component Assembler	$1,114
Hand Packer	$1,100
Hawker/Stall Holder (Prepared Food or Drinks)	$1,090
Porter (Except Hotel)	$1,081
Dish Washer	$1,074
Scaffolder	$1,000
Pipe Fitter	$1,000
Mattress Maker	$996
Building Caretaker/Watchman	$950
Silk Screen, Block and Textile Printer	$945
Plasterer	$850
Manufacturing Labourer and Related Worker	$800
Construction Labourer and Related Worker	$800
Sandblaster/Shotblaster (Metal)	$800
Structural Steel and Ship Painter	$800
Cleaner (Industrial Establishment)	$800
Gardener	$800
Office Cleaner	$790
Ship and Ship Tank Cleaner	$730
Aircraft Cleaner	$537

Wonderful Poems!

These are entries to a competition asking for a rhyme with the Most romantic first line but Least romantic second line:

Love may be beautiful, love may be bliss
but I only slept with you, because I was pissed

I thought that I could love no other
Until, that is, I met your brother

Roses are red, violets are blue, sugar is sweet, and so are you.

But the roses are wilting, the violets are dead, the sugar bowl's empty and so is your head.

Of loving beauty you float with grace
If only you could hide your face

Kind, intelligent, loving and hot
This describes everything that you are not

I want to feel your sweet embrace
But don't take that paper bag off of your face

I love your smile, your face, and your eyes
Damn, I'm good at telling lies!

My darling, my lover, my beautiful wife:
Marrying you screwed up my entire life

I see your face when I am dreaming
That's why I always wake up screaming

My love, you take my breath away
What have you stepped in to smell this way

My feelings for you no words can tell
Except for maybe "go to hell"

What inspired this amorous rhyme?
Two parts vodka, one part lime

Cheers !!!

Help to Find Missing Dog PLS!

High reward for the person who can find her missing puppy after it disappeared after she sat down and watched TV!

All About Cows!!!!

TRADITIONAL CORPORATION

You have two cows.

You sell one and buy a bull.

Your herd multiplies and the economy grows.

You sell them and retire on the income.

AN AMERICAN CORPORATION

You have two cows.

You sell one and force the other to produce the milk of four cows.

You are surprised when the cow drops dead.

A FRENCH CORPORATION

You have two cows.

You go on strike because you want three cows.

A JAPANESE CORPORATION

You have two cows.

You redesign them so they are one-tenth the size of an ordinary cow and produce twenty times the milk.

You then create clever cow cartoon images called 'Cowkimon' and market them World-Wide.

A GERMAN CORPORATION

You have two cows.

You re-engineer them so they live for 100 years, eat once a month, and milk themselves.

A BRITISH CORPORATION

You have two cows.

Both are mad.

AN ITALIAN CORPORATION

You have two cows, but you don't know where they are.

You break for lunch.

A SWISS CORPORATION

You have 5,000 cows and none of which belong to you.

You charge others for storing them.

A CHINESE CORPORATION

You have two cows.

You have 300 people milking them.

You claim full employment and high bovine productivity.

You have the newsman who reported on the numbers arrested.

AN INDIAN CORPORATION

You have two cows.

You worship them.

A MALAYSIAN CORPORATION

You have two cows.

You signed a 40-year contract to supply milk at RM0.06 per litre. Then midway through, you raised the price to RM0.60

or you cut the supply. When the buyer agrees to the new price, you change your mind again and now want RM1.20.

The buyer decided you can keep the milk and they go look for milk that comes from recycled cows or the cow urine instead.

Your two cows retire together with the Prime Minister.

A SINGAPOREAN CORPORATION

You have two cows.

One cow-peh and one cow-bu.

Camel Story!

Moles on your face! and what they say about you!

The Chinese Almanac, also known as the Tung Shu, is commonly known as a book of auspicious and inauspicious dates, but there is so much more to the Tung Shu than that.

It is a vast mine of information relating to astrology, codes and symbols, derived by the wise sages and philosophers of ancient China .. In this issue, we bring to you the secrets from the almanac!

regarding moles on your face and what they mean depending on which part of your face they appear.
First, check your face for any moles, and then look at the diagram above to identify the number(s) that are a closest match to the moles on your face.

Usually, the moles only hold meaning for you if they are prominent and they are the only one.
If your face if full of spots, acne or 'little' moles, they do not count.
When you've ascertained which position corresponds to the mole on your face, look up the meanings listed by numbers below.

Position 1 to 3:
As a child, you are somewhat rebellious and a free spirit.
You have an innate creativity and work best when you are given a free hand.
Generally, your superiors like your avante garde approach to life.
If you have a mole here, you are far better off in business and being your own boss rather than working for somebody.
What is promising is that you have the luck to be your own boss.

Position 4:
You are an impulsive person, often acting with a flamboyance that gives you charisma and a sparkling personality, but you can be difficult when there are too many opinions.
You tend to be rather argumentative, but never to the point of holding grudges.
This mole tends to give you an explosive temper and should you decide to remove it, you will find yourself becoming calmer and more at peace with the world.

Position 5:
A mole above the eyebrow indicates that there is wealth luck in your life, but you will need to earn it and work harder than most people.
All the income you make must be carefully kept as there are people who are jealous of you who might attempt to sweet talk you into parting with your wealth.
Be wary of those who try to interest you in get-rich-quick schemes.
If you have a mole here, it is advisable not to be too trusting of others. Follow your instincts and be cautious. And never allow other people to control your finances.

Position 6:
A mole here indicates intelligence, creativity and skill as an artist.
Your artistic talent can bring you wealth, fame and success!
It also indicates wealth luck, but this can only be fully realized if you follow your heart rather than stick to conventional means of making a living. Success will come if you are brave.

Position 7:
Moles under the eyebrows indicate arguments within the extended family! that cause you grief and unhappiness.
This will affect your work and livelihood. It is advisable to settle any differences you have with your relatives if you want peace of mind to move ahead.

Position 8:
This is not a very good position for a mole.
Your financial position will constantly be under strain because of a tendency to overspend.
You also have a penchant for gambling. The only thing is you must know when to stop.
Meanwhile, someone with a mole here has a tendency to flirt with members of the opposite sex as well as with the same sex.
Better be a little discerning where you exert your charms, or you might get into trouble...

Position 9:
This mole position suggests sexual and other problems.
It is an unfortunate mole and you are well advised to get rid of it.
It brings a litany of woes and a parade of problems.

Position 10:
A mole here just under the nose indicates excellent descendants luck.
You are surrounded by family at all times and will have many children and grandchildren.
You have the support of those close to you and will be both materially and emotionally fulfilled.

Position 11:
Moles here suggest a tendency to succumb to illness. It is a good idea to have this mole removed especially if it is a large, dark-coloured mole. Otherwise use lots of foundation to cover it.

Position 12:
A mole here foretells a successful but also a very balanced life.
You are likely to be not just rich, but famous as well.
But although you have every opportunity to live the high life, you will have a satisfying home and family life as well.
Women with moles here are particularly lucky and tend to be beautiful and glamorous as well.

Position 13:
Your children will be a big worry in your life.
Your relationship with them is not good.
There is nothing much you can do about this except to learn some tolerance.

Position 14:
A mole here suggests a vulnerability to food which can be a big problem in your life.
You may have allergies against certain foods or you may simply be eating too much.

Position 15:
You are a person always on the move and constantly renovating and redesigning your house.
You like to be introduced to new things and see new places. You are not happy if you remain in one place for long.
You enjoy travel and adventure, and have a very observant eye.

Position 16:
You need to be careful when it comes to eating, and also when it comes to your sex life.
These! are your two biggest problems.
You tend to have weight issues which can make you depressed.
You enjoy romance, sometimes with more than one person, but because you are a person with some morality, you will feel guilty about it and this will cause you much stress.

Position 17:
You will be someone of great social prominence. You are active on the social scene and an excellent conversationalist.
There is a tendency to become bigheaded about your success, which could lose you your good name.
This will affect you deeply because you draw your confidence and self worth from what others think of you.

Position 18:
You are a person always on the move. There is a great deal of overseas travel in your life, but you should take extra care each time you cross the great waters, as your mole prefers you to stay at home.

Position 19:
You have money luck and many good friends, so this is a good mole to have. Your weakness is that you tend to succumb to the charms of the opposite sex.
In your life, it is this that could get you into hot water, so do cool your ardour!

Position 20:
A mole here can be very lucky or very unlucky. If you have a mole here, yo u are destined either for extreme fame or infamy.
You have great flair for creativity and are also highly intelligent, but your talents can be used for both good and bad.
You are not a person to be trifled with for you are no pushover and do not forgive and forget easily.
This mole is a mark of someone who will go down in history either as a great or as a tyrant.

Position 21:
This is a good mole, as it suggests plenty to eat and drink throughout your life. This mole also brings fame and recognition.

Position 22:
Your life is always happy and things go smoothly for you.
You could well become a sports superstar if you have the passion for it. Moles at the end of eyebrows also suggest a person of authority and power, so if you are the CEO of a company, you will do very well.

Position 23:
You have a high IQ, and you are both brain smart and street smart.
You have a highly-developed survival instinct and will lead a meaningful and long life. You will be active until a very old age and will have friends and family around you till the very end.

Position 24:
You will achieve fame and fortune in your young age and you are advised to use this period to safeguard your old age, as people with moles here tend to have a harder life as they get older.

Position 25 You will enjoy good prosperity and recognition luck, but do be careful of excesses. Stay traditional in your attitudes and you will have a long and fruitful life.

hope it helps! :p

Life is like a Box of Ballons!

You never know what you are gonna get until you blow it up!

Welcome to Air India!

Good morning, Ladies and Gentlemen.

This is your captain Shyam.
Welcoming both seated and standing passengers on board of Air
India.

We apologize for the four-day delay in taking off, it was due
to bad weather and some overtime I had to put in at the bakery.

This is flight 717 to Mumbai. Landing there is not guaranteed,
but we will end up somewhere in India. And, if luck is in our
favour, we may even be landing on your village.

Air India has an excellent safety-record. In fact, our safety
standards are so high, that even terrorists are afraid to fly
with us!

It is with pleasure; I announce that, starting this year, over
30% of our passengers have reached their destination.

If our engines are too noisy for you, on passenger request,
we can arrange to turn them off.

To make your free fall to earth pleasant and memorable, we
serve complimentary DARU (Liquor) and Wada pav (Snack).

For our not-so-religious passengers, we are the only airline
who can help you find out if there really is a God.

We regret to inform you, that today's in-flight movie ( Ghar
Ghar Ki Khani and Kyuki Saas bhi ) will not be shown as we
forgot to record it from the television.

However, for our movie buffs, we will be flying right next to
Emirates Airline, where their movie will be visible from the
right side of the cabin window.

There is no smoking allowed in this airplane. Any smoke you see
in the cabin is only the early warning system on the engines
telling us to slow down.

In order to catch important landmarks, we try to fly as close
as possible for the best view. If however, we go a little too
close, do let us know.

Our enthusiastic co-pilot sometimes flies right through the
landmark.

Kindly be seated, keep your seat in an upright position for
take-off and fasten your seat-belt.

For those of you who can't find a seat-belt, kindly fasten
your own belt to the arm of your seat.

And, for those of you who can't find a seat, do not hesitate
to get in touch with a stewardess who will explain how to
fasten yourself to your suitcase."

ENJOY AIR INDIA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

The Future of Traffic Lights?

What you shouldn't do when filling in an interview form...

Name: Ah Beng
Age: Still young

Sex: Never. Still under age
Religion: I only have experience praying my cat who dead 2 years before

Race: I love to race, how you know?
Nationality: I don't like National, I prefer Sanyo

IC Number: 6735
Telephone number: House no telephone

Hand phone number: 3310
Address: Penang Jelutong

City : Nor Haliza?
Postcode: I never post anything

State: In my family, I am 2^nd
Country: I love to travel to Canada

Marriage status: Secret
Email Address: Hotmail

Education Background: My teacher said not bad
Working experience: Last time got sell pirated VCD

Father's name: Daddy
Father's IC: You ask him

Mother's name: Mummy
Mother's IC: You ask her

Current Salary: Depends on my daddy mood
Expected Salary: As much as you can pay

When can start work: Depends on my mood
Highest qualification: Ya, very high

Grade: Ya, very high
College/University: College
Signature: Can I use chop?

***FAINT***