Welcome to Air India!

Good morning, Ladies and Gentlemen.

This is your captain Shyam.
Welcoming both seated and standing passengers on board of Air
India.

We apologize for the four-day delay in taking off, it was due
to bad weather and some overtime I had to put in at the bakery.

This is flight 717 to Mumbai. Landing there is not guaranteed,
but we will end up somewhere in India. And, if luck is in our
favour, we may even be landing on your village.

Air India has an excellent safety-record. In fact, our safety
standards are so high, that even terrorists are afraid to fly
with us!

It is with pleasure; I announce that, starting this year, over
30% of our passengers have reached their destination.

If our engines are too noisy for you, on passenger request,
we can arrange to turn them off.

To make your free fall to earth pleasant and memorable, we
serve complimentary DARU (Liquor) and Wada pav (Snack).

For our not-so-religious passengers, we are the only airline
who can help you find out if there really is a God.

We regret to inform you, that today's in-flight movie ( Ghar
Ghar Ki Khani and Kyuki Saas bhi ) will not be shown as we
forgot to record it from the television.

However, for our movie buffs, we will be flying right next to
Emirates Airline, where their movie will be visible from the
right side of the cabin window.

There is no smoking allowed in this airplane. Any smoke you see
in the cabin is only the early warning system on the engines
telling us to slow down.

In order to catch important landmarks, we try to fly as close
as possible for the best view. If however, we go a little too
close, do let us know.

Our enthusiastic co-pilot sometimes flies right through the
landmark.

Kindly be seated, keep your seat in an upright position for
take-off and fasten your seat-belt.

For those of you who can't find a seat-belt, kindly fasten
your own belt to the arm of your seat.

And, for those of you who can't find a seat, do not hesitate
to get in touch with a stewardess who will explain how to
fasten yourself to your suitcase."

ENJOY AIR INDIA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!